Have you Ever?

SO I am just having one of those days weeks months (I dont really know the time span) where I just feel overwhelmed and I fall easily into a form of depression.. I never knew that irritability was a sign of depression, but a few months ago I was always angry no matter what and I thought that it was because of my job,(W) man that job sucked, but this attitude I had towards life was so negative and I was destroying my relationships with friends and I knew I needed a change so I quit that job and I broke down and talked to my mom and realized that I wasnt alone both her and my sister had been through the same thing yay for genes! but I did feel better knowing there was an answer. I made an appointment for my doctor and started at the salon... I will admit that the salon helped a lot, I was finally in the career that I wanted and I knew that I could only grow in this career... I went and talked to my doctor and she suggested a couple vitamins for me to take, but I thought that I was ok, cause I hadnt been angry for a couple weeks maybe it was my old job so I didnt buy the vitamins... So I went to see her about a month later to see if my birth control was helping maintain my mood swings and in a way I believe that it helped balance things but it wasnt a cure so she gave me the list of vitamins again and I went and bought them and I have been taking them everyday (8 total UGH!) I still have days when I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep or cry, or nights when I just freak out for the littlest things and inside I know what I am doing is ridiculous but the anger wins and I just let go all this rage that I didnt even know I had left? It has come less often and I believe that the vitamins, no aspartame, and the physical activity I am trying to do more of has helped but I just want to be able to say that I am truly happy (mostly within myself) I have a great life, and I have been pushing some certain people out of it blaming them for my unhappiness when really it is me that needs to be blamed... I just wanted to thank Bobby he is my rock he has been there through this whole thing and he is not going to give up on me so I need to stop trying to push him away! I wouldnt know what to even do if I didnt have him! I love you BOBBY! I have great friends that I am realizing that do love me and are there to listen.. This has definitely built my relationship with my mom too it is a nice to talk to someone that has been through it and doesnt think I am crazy.. Right now I am trying to work through it without a prescription but my happiness means a lot to me, and if I need to I will do what I need to. I am trying to start writing more it helps me to get my feelings out on paper it is a sort of cleanse! I am also writing 5 things I am grateful for everyday and I may repeat some things :) I just need to remember everyday to be positive about myself, i need to think good thoughts when I look in the mirror and stop focusing on the bad I cant always be a size 4 and I know that I need to accept it.. I am happier knowing that Bobby will love me forever big booty or not ;) but I am done with the crazy not eating phase and killing myself at the gym it is not healthy and NO ONE should make you think that it is.. I need to realize there is more to life than the "perfect Body" I depended on it for way too long.. This is going to be the hardest struggle it is something I will most likely deal with for the rest of my life but hopefully I can stay strong and overcome the fear of being happy and love myself.. I am sick of putting on as front and always knowing deep down that I wasnt being completely honest.. I am just done pretending anymore, it is too hard to keep it hidden, because it will always come out sometime and its not worth it.. Thank you for all of the people that have been there with me and for me. I know that it has been a struggle but I promise one day it will all be worth it!

The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.
Benjamin Franklin